A surprisingly** large number of guys turned up in the comments to this post to complain about how unfair it was that they were being marginalized and stereotyped and lumped in with rapists just because they pestered a girl at a bar (on the subway, at a bus stop, at their office) for her phone number until she caved. And in response to one of these guys, the blogger dug up this entry from a couple of years ago and reposted this section in the comments, and it hit me, the reality of it, like a punch in the stomach:
‘Cause the thing is, you and the guys you hang out with may not really mean anything by it when you talk about crazy bitches and dumb sluts and heh-heh-I’d-hit-that and you just can’t reason with them and you can’t live with ‘em can’t shoot ‘em and she’s obviously only dressed like that because she wants to get laid and if they can’t stand the heat they should get out of the kitchen and if they can’t play by the rules they don’t belong here and if they can’t take a little teasing they should quit and heh heh they’re only good for fucking and cleaning and they’re not fit to be leaders and they’re too emotional to run a business and they just want to get their hands on our money and if they’d just stop overreacting and telling themselves they’re victims they’d realize they actually have all the power in this society and white men aren’t even allowed to do anything anymore and and and…</p>
I get that you don’t really mean that shit. I get that you’re just talking out your ass.
But please listen, and please trust me on this one: you have probably, at some point in your life, engaged in that kind of talk with a man who really, truly hates women–to the extent of having beaten and/or raped at least one. And you probably didn’t know which one he was.
And that guy? Thought you were on his side.
And so I repost it here, for you to read.
* I know there are exceptions to this rule. They are real, and they are valid, but they are also exceptions. The vast majority of this kind of behavior takes place from men to women.
** Not actually surprising at all.